rainy days
by secretsoftheood
Summary: Sometimes you just have bad days. Edmund has experienced a lot of bad days, and now he needs to try and help his brother through one after returning to London. Part three of the "Adapting" series.


Despite being born and raised in London, there was still a part of Edmund that was surprised by just how dreary the weather was in winter. Today the entire world seemed to be coloured in with a palette of grey, and though there wasn't much wind there was a _lot_ of rain. The kind that fell straight down directly onto you and seemed to seep into your bones. Without the wind you would think you could seek shelter by walking beside shop windows, trying to use the rooftop ledges to shelter yourself. The force of the rain, however, would make the rain bounce of the drab London street and catch you by surprise – nipping at your ankles and dampening your shoes.

Winter in London was nothing like it was in Narnia. The rain seemed to get everywhere and weigh your very bones down. Edmund tended to associate winter with crisp air and snow-covered mountain tops. He had many memories of traveling through the plains of Narnia when they were covered with the white powdered snow. After defeating Jadis, Narnia seemed reluctant to experience a winter again, however the season soon became just another season in the Narnian year. Out of his siblings Edmund knew he was the one who held the most disdain for Winter, never quite shaking off the hazy memories of his breath showing in front of him while being chained in an ice dungeon. Yet even he had to admit that the winters in Narnia were beautiful and were unlike anything he experienced in England.

Even if it was snowing in London there was still a damp feel to the air you breathed. Edmund didn't like the way the air seemed to rattle in his chest. Bad memories.

Edmund didn't like to compare Narnia to London nowadays. He found that it usually had melancholy results. Of course, the Pevensie siblings couldn't help but compare their two homes when they first returned, but as time went by Edmund decided to try and limit the bad habit. There was only so many times one could compare waking up in their royal chamber as a king to waking up in their shared room in London as a young boy, without it getting on the upsetting side.

Susan reasoned it was a coping mechanism when he asked her why they keep doing it when they know it would upset them. It was a way to help themselves adjust; she had said. Edmund found it held him back from adjusting but who was he to control the way his siblings processed their grief. And it was grief. There was no way to avoid that the four siblings all grieved the loss of friends, family and their people that they had all left behind.

So why was it then that Edmund was spending unnecessary time out in the weather he hated so much? The answer, like most things for him, revolved around his brother Peter. While it wasn't uncommon for Peter to return late from school, it was extremely unusual for him to not show up a full two hours after Edmund had. Remembering that the eldest had had a rocky start to the morning and having heard rumours at school – though he hadn't been able to verify them with his brother skilfully avoiding him on campus- Edmund hazarded a guess that the rest of his day wasn't any better. And so, Edmund had decided to leave the house in search for his brother.

If it was anyone else Edmund would have gone home by now, the cold bringing forth unpleasant memories to the forefront of his subconscious. But this was Peter. His brother. His king. It was right as these thoughts passed fleetingly through his head that he found him, looking every bit the surly teenage boy that his body portrayed him as. Underneath a tree in Kensington Gardens, where no one reasonable would be in this weather, Peter was sitting with his knees drawn to his chest. Even from the distance between him Edmund recognized his brother, and even recognized the tension in his body. Frustration was coming from him in waves.

"Peter." Edmund called across to him.

No movement.

"Peter!" Edmund picked up the pace towards him.

It was as if he didn't hear a thing.

"Don't be a sod, its pissing out here." Edmund snapped as he got close. The next string of snarky words however died on his lips when he saw his brothers face close up.

It was a white sheet, which only emphasised the red rims of his eyes. Edmund faltered for a moment, the sight of his older brother so fragile and crying giving him pause. It was only a moment though; any unhelpful thoughts were quickly compartmentalized by him to be assessed later. When Peter was home, safe.

"Come on Pete." Edmund said softly, patting his brother on the shoulder. "We need to go home now."

"That's not home." Came an uncharacteristic snap in reply.

Edmund looked at his brother in mild shock. All the siblings had made a similar comment at least one since their return, but never Peter. Never their High king. Sure, he had agreed when the others made comments, or empathised with them, but he made a habit not to encourage that sort of thinking and always made a point to remind them that London was as much as their home as Narnia.

Edmund scanned Peters face for a moment, looking for any signals to help him tread through these next few moments. His eyes fell to his brother's hands, which were holding onto his knees and clenched so tightly the knuckles were white. It made the fresh bruises on his knuckles stick out more. Edmund sucked on his teeth as a flash of irritation took over him at the realization that the rumours were true, that his brother had been fighting at school. But he knew this wasn't the moment to breach that topic.

_Where was Susan when you needed her_? Edmund briefly thought to himself, wishing her gentleness came as easy to him as it seemed to come to her. She would know how to coax Peter back to their house. The girls, of course, had gone with their mother out of town for the night with their mother to see a relative of theirs while the boy had stayed behind with their father.

"I know." Edmund sighed. "But I need you to get up now Pete. Please."

The please seemed to at least trigger a response from Peter as he turned his face to face him finally. Peter's wide eyes scanned his brothers face, searching. Whatever he found made his face crumple, and Edmund felt his stomach twist something awful as his brother's shoulders heaved with sobs he tried to repress.

"Please get up." Edmund tried to keep his voice steady and calm, offering his hand to Peter.

He took it, and shakily stood up. Edmund couldn't tell if it was the cold or Peter's emotions that were causing him to tremble so much, and he wasn't sure which one was more concerning. He slung his arm around his brothers back, inviting him to use him for support, and prompted the two to start heading out of the park.

The walk back home was silent, bar the sniffles and loud breaths sporadically breaking the silence between them. Edmund was supporting more of Peter's weight than he expected to which concerned him, prompting him to pick up the pace to get them out of the rain sooner.

"Come on Pete," Edmund murmured once they reached their destination, "we need to get you out of those clothes."

It spoke volumes to him that Peter didn't respond.

The two made their way upstairs and into the bathroom. Edmund turned the showerhead on and tested the water to make sure it wasn't scalding. He then turned to Peter and helped him unbutton his shirt, then took a step back to let his brother undress himself. Once the eldest's wet clothes were on the floor, Edmund picked them up and left the room with a soft murmur of "I'll be back soon Pete."

Edmund went downstairs and put the soaked clothes into the designated washing area, knowing his mother would clean them upon her return tomorrow. While he was downstairs, he decided to make a stop into the kitchen and heat up the kettle so he could make a cuppa for the two brothers. While sitting at the kitchen table waiting for the kettle to whistle, he contemplated what to do. Peter was trembling an unusual amount when they had entered the house, so Edmund suspected he would be at risk of getting sick now. He also had to remember to inspect Peters hands properly, as he remembered seeing cuts on them.

But for now, he would make tea for them both and try to convince his brother to sleep it all off.

The kettle whistled, and on auto-pilot Edmund made the two of them a cup of hot tea. He walked up the stairs carrying both mugs in his hands and made his way to their bedroom. Putting down the mugs on Peter's bedside table, Edmund inspected the bed and quickly decided it wouldn't be adequate. He headed towards the laundry cupboard and pulled out a spare thick woollen blanket that he had hated when he was younger as it was heavy and had a terrible itchy texture, but he had grown to appreciate it recently when he got to cold at night and needed some extra comfort to keep the nightmares at bay.

Back in the bedroom he placed the blanket on Peter's bed, then headed to his side of the room and quickly got changed into some warm clothes himself. He then rummaged through Peter's drawers looking for some comfortable but warm clothes that his brother could sleep in. After finding a pair of pyjamas he deemed worthy he tucked them under his arm and headed towards the girl's room suddenly remembering something.

While he respected his sisters' privacy and would usually never go into their room when they weren't home, he knew Lucy would be happy for him to go to her side of the room for their eldest brother's sake. After returning from Narnia without her trusty cordial Lucy had taken an interest in home remedies and had a small stash of them in her bedside drawer to be used at a moment's notice. Opening the top-drawer Edmund scanned the three small tincture containers he saw before pulling out one he recognized as her 'all purpose' healing balm. He took the small container and a roll of bandages he spied in the drawer too.

With his small bundle under his arm he made his way back into the bathroom. He knocked on the door to announce his entrance, and then placed his bundle of items on the porcelain basin beside him. The room was full of steam from the heat of the shower and Edmund had to admit to himself that he didn't want to go back out into the cold hallway after feeling the bathrooms temperature.

"Come on Peter, you've been in there long enough."

There was an awkward pause for a moment before the words seemed to be processed by the elder, and he slowly turned off the shower faucets. Peter awkwardly stepped out of the shower and grabbed the nearby towel, trembling without the heated water.

"Dry yourself off, then you can get into these clothes I grabbed for you." Edmund indicated with his head to the basin.

Peter nodded and then proceeded to do as instructed.

"Right, now let's get you in bed." Edmund picked up the towel his brother had discarded and hung it up on the towel rail.

"That's not necessary." Peter frowned

"I'm saying it is." Edmund felt his chin habitually stick out in defiance, before he caught himself then said in a softer tone. "Look Pete, just work with me please. Ill leave you be if that's what you want, but not until you're in bed and safe."

It must have been the worry for his safety that got to Peter, as an embarrassed flush seemed to cover Peter's neck temporarily before he shook himself out of it and silently followed his younger brother out of the bathroom and into their room.

Once Peter was in the bed Edmund grabbed one of his hands and silently began to apply the ointment onto the damaged flesh across the knuckles.

"You got that from Lu's drawers?" Peter asked.

"Obviously." Edmund muttered, then internally chastised himself. "I mean, she basically told me to feel free to use it ever needed. And its not like Mother is exactly stocking the house with those sorts of supplies."

Peter didn't reply.

Edmund sighed as he began to wrap his brothers knuckles with the bandages he had. He felt frustrated at himself for allowing the snarky comments to slip through. He had been making such good progress since returning to London and had only rarely allowed himself to act the age he appeared. He knew it was because he was upset with himself for allowing this to happen. If he hadn't set Peter off in the morning, then he wouldn't have had gone to school in such a mood and they wouldn't be sitting in the bedroom trying to figure out how to clear the tension.

Edmund was also aware that Peter's face, which had been pinkened from the hot water of the shower, was now paler than usual. He frowns as he finishes wrapping the last bandage and holds Peter's hand in his own.

"Don't do this again." He said, voice soft and pleading.

Peter pulls his hand away and shifts his attention to the wall across from him.

"Peter…"

Peter's eyebrows furrowed, and his lips went taut.

"You're gonna get sick now and I'm gonna have to deal with a sick king on my conscious." Edmund tried for a joke to lighten the mood.

"Some King." Peter muttered.

Edmund flinched at the tone and realised his error in bringing up Narnia.

"It's not easy for any of us Pete." Edmund admits, "That's why we need to stick together and support one another."

Peter still didn't shift his attention from the wall, but his expression shifted slightly.

"You can't go running off without telling someone. Especially in weather like this, I mean you're already looking sick Peter." Edmund chided. "I was out there for less time than you and I felt like my bones were freezing up."

"I didn't ask you to come looking for me." Peter challenged.

"No," Edmund stated, "you just left me in an empty house with no note or explanation while there was a storm out, and when I knew you had had a bad day."

When Peter didn't respond he continued.

"Was I supposed to just come home and go upstairs and assume you'd be home at some point? Because the way it looked when I found you, the only way you were coming home tonight would be when the copper did his night walk through the park and found you passed out in the rain."

"And so what if I that happened?" Peter snapped turning to face his brother.

Edmund jerked back in shock, for a moment he was too stunned to speak.

"Do you think we don't care about you?" Edmund sputtered.

Peter hesitated.

"Because I wouldn't have gone out in nothing more than my school uniform in this weather to search as long as it would take for someone I didn't care about." He continued, fumbling over his words a bit. "Not to mention the girl's reactions if they saw you like this. They'd be besides themselves. And our parents too."

Peter's head titled down, eyes on the floor in shame.

"Don't you _dare_ do something like that again Peter." Edmund said. "Because I can't handle watching you like this, and I definitely can't handle looking after the family if you did something _really_ stupid."

"I know." Peter mumbled.

Edmund sighed. "Just… look after yourself a bit."

"I'm not a child."

Edmund instinctively went to make a snarky comment about him acting like one but stopped himself when he realised just how tired Peter sounded.

"I know." He put a hand on his brother's shoulder to both comfort him and ground them both. "We _both_ aren't children anymore."

The implication was clear. Though they both appeared to many as children, they hadn't been children for a very long time. Not since their coronation at Cair Paravel, or arguably since they set foot inside that wardrobe.

The two of them sit in silence for a while, letting their situation sink in. Though they both were aware they weren't children, they were stuck facing a world where they were to be treated as though they were. No one but their siblings understood their situation or could even begin to imagine understanding what it was like for the four of them. They only had each other.

"Look, Pete I'm-"

"I'm sorry fo-"

The two brothers stared at each other, partway through their apologies. With quirked lips, Edmund indicated to his elder brother to go first.

"I'm sorry Ed." Peter sighed. "For everything. I'm the eldest brother I shouldn't be having breakdowns like this, I need to be the strong one – don't look at me like that Ed, you know what I mean."

Edmund nodded his head in understanding; as the eldest sibling Peter inherently felt responsible for being the rock of the family, and that was without the addition of having the title of High King on his shoulders.

"It's just been getting to me." Peter's shoulders slumped. "I'm trying so hard to just be regular Peter, but then I keep hearing people speaking over me or having to keep my mouth shut because I know things children aren't supposed to know, and it's just not fair."

How am I supposed to be fine sitting in class learning decade old battle strategies from a textbook, judging the tactics they used as if I haven't had to make the decision of which tactics to use? As if I haven't had to deal with the consequences when choosing the wrong ones."

Edmund put his hand over Peter's shaking hand but let him continue uninterrupted.

"And I act like its fine because one of us to show that we can adapt, but really I'm struggling as much as the rest of you. I keep finding myself torn between wishing I'd never been to Narnia or wishing I'd never left there, but both of those are terrible thoughts I shouldn't be having."

"I have them too." Edmund said quietly. "And I think its to be expected that we would be wondering what it would be like if things were different."

"Still…" Peter trailed off, clearly unable to vocalize his thoughts further.

"I'm sorry about this morning." Edmund swiftly changed the subject.

Peter shook his head. "You shouldn't be the one apologizing Ed-"

"- But I am so deal with it." He gave his brother a slightly lopsided smile before continuing in a more serious tone. "I could tell you weren't in a good headspace this morning so I shouldn't have made it worse by arguing with you. You probably would have managed to cool off before school if it weren't for me, or at least would have made it through the day a bit better."

Peter let out a dry laugh, "You're probably right there."

"So there. I'm sorry for being a prat this morning to you." Edmund's voice was firm that Peter wasn't going to avoid this.

"You were right though," Peter tried to avoid it anyways, "I was being unfair to you and acting as if you actually were a kid, but you're not. I need to remember that we're both going through this together, and that we understand each other."

"And that you can ask me for help." Edmund quietly supplied. "I'm here for you."

Peter nodded in acknowledgement, and anxiously licked his lips while he gathered his thoughts.

"It's just… I woke up this morning and – I know that I should be used to it by now but – I thought I was back _home_ for a moment. And I could hear mum and the girls getting their things packed downstairs, so they were ready to leave after school. In that moment I heard you all talking downstairs and you sounded happy and it just made me so _upset_. I know that sounds awful but, in that moment, everyone was adjusted to London and I didn't want to be here, and I felt like I was stuck outside in the wrong place."

"I understand." Edmund said. "I've felt like that too."

"I know," Peter sighed. "I _know_. I can see you all have moments like this too, so I shouldn't have taken it out on you this morning. You were right to call me a prat for being so cold towards the girls when they left, _and_ also for pointing out that I was talking down to you too. I shouldn't have done that – you're my brother and don't deserve to be spoken to like you're beneath me."

"You're right I don't." Edmund agreed, "but you deserve the same patience you gave me when I was younger and being a prat. So, I'm sorry for not giving you that patience this morning and starting a fight that didn't need to happen."

"I think a fight would have happened anyways." Peter gave a dry smile. "But I understand where you're coming from. We both acted poorly this morning, but we have both apologized now so let us move on."

Edmund nodded in agreement, then paused. "You don't have to of course, but could you share what happened at school?"

The dry smile on Peter's face thinned out. "I overreacted to a few comments made by _children_."

"Right, well being that you are currently in a child's body I don't think we need to be worried about the moralities of fighting your classmates." Edmund said, knowing his brother was upset with himself. "But what kind of comments were they making?" He asked in a softer voice.

"Just the usual." Peter said, his voice low and tired. "That we're not the same since the country, you've turned into a know-it-all wimp, I think too highly of myself and don't know when to quit – as if any of them know anything about us, what we've been through."

Edmund had been hearing similar remarks ever since school began.

"Usually I can brush off those kinds of comments," Peter continued "but today I just couldn't. There were just too many people talking down to me like a kid who didn't know anything. In class today Jones made some stupid remark about me being an awful candidate for head boy, because I would be such a shit leader, and it just got to me. I wanted to yell at them all that I have been a leader for longer than they have even _lived_, but I couldn't. So instead I told him to shut his fat face, and then at break we had a fight."

The last part was said with little emotion, but Edmond had heard the buzz of gossip around the school that day and knew it was a very volatile fight that occurred before the teachers split them up.

"Did the school have any intention of contacting our parents?" Edmund asked, after deciding a comment on the fight wasn't necessary.

"No." Peter sighed and rubbed his forehead warily. "I think because this is my first offence and the increased tensions around the school with everything that's happened, they've decided to let us both off with a warning."

"Good." Edmund nodded. "Don't want Mother worrying and asking why. I'll stay mum on the subject around the girls too for you, but if one of them notices your hands are injured and ask I'm not going to lie."

Peter nodded in understanding and gratitude. He could always count on Edmund to look out for the family and any tensions that could occur. In Narnia he was a great asset at relieving political tensions and avoiding unnecessary wars with smooth words. Peter had a feeling that he would be quite successful as a politician in England if he ever decided to try it as a career.

"Well" Edmund stood up from the bed clutching his now empty mug, "I think it's time to get some food in you."

Peter opened his mouth to protest.

"I don't know about you, but I'm famished." Edmund continued and proceeded to walk out of the room and head to the kitchen. "Make sure to drink your tea before it gets cold." He yelled over his shoulder.

It was a good twenty or so minutes when Edmund was back in the room, holding two steaming bowls filled with some leftover stew their mother had cooked the night before.

"Supper time." Edmund gave his brother a small smile as he passed him his bowl, before taking his spot beside him with his own. "Now you better eat all this up, unless you want to be stuck in bed sick all week."

At Peter's affronted look he elaborated. "Don't think I couldn't hear you sneezing from downstairs. And I'm guessing from the sweat forming on your brow you're about to come down with a fever. So, once you've eaten all of your supper, I want you to try to get as much sleep as you can. Lu can look you over tomorrow once she's back to see if you'll be fine with simple rest or if it's not a simple cold and you need something else."

Peter shook his head at his brother as he spooned a mouthful of the stew into his mouth. "Anyone would think you're trying to take Lu's spot as our family healer."

Edmund snorted out a small laugh. "Hardly. I just picked a few things up from all her worrying about our health constantly. And I don't know if you've noticed Pete, but I did tend to sick quite often in poor weather. So of course, I know the importance of trying to get on top of it early on."

Peter avoided his brothers' eyes for a moment. It was true that Edmund often found himself sick when the weather had taken a cold turn. Lucy had once told Peter she suspected that his time spent in Jadis' castle dungeons contributed to his sensitivity to the cold.

"Okay." Peter said softly. "I'll go to sleep when I'm done."

"Good." Edmund gave a short nod of approval.

"Thank you." Edmund had to strain himself to catch his brothers next words. "You shouldn't have to do this for me… I'm the eldest one, and it really is my job to look after you all, but even then… thank you Ed."

Edmund leant forward and slung his arm around Peter to give him an attempt of a hug. "You don't need to thank me. We're brothers, and you know that I'm always here for you."

"I know, I can't believe I let myself forget that today." Peter.

"Well I've always known you were a bit thick at times so I'm not too hurt." Edmund grinned.

"Thanks Ed," Peter gave a dry smile "I love you."

"I love you too Pete." Edmund said, with complete sincerity. "Now hurry up and eat so I can go do my own thing while you sleep."

Peter laughed and hurriedly spooned the last mouthful of his dinner into his mouth before passing the bowl to his brother. "Well go on then, I'll try rest now."

Edmund grabbed the two bowls and his brothers now empty mug.

"Goodnight Peter." He said softly.

"Goodnight Edmund."


End file.
